Pick Your Poison

the universe quivers in a puddle of its own urine, frightened

we shook ourselves apart, dear.
each of us twisted into splinters,
and the sound of our own screaming
took us by surprise.

falling apart at the seams,
and as gravity is consumed,
the sky pulls us out
into the last moments we shared.

i would cry with human eyes
and pull myself out of the shards
of tarnished mirrors and bloody shells,
mosaic of tetanus and infection,

but here it is without witness;
flesh combusted long before we implode.
the end is far more quiet
than it would have seemed from a distance.

She is on Fire, and I am the Sky

Sometimes the pattern is so vast that our puny eyes have no chance to perceive.
I am on top of the Moon and beneath the Sun's angry smile,
And you are inside your mind's eye
Watching your flesh seared; you twist away to avoid the wind.
I can only look up or down from here, feeling free as I am constantly falling.
We are traveling the same speed in two different directions
From dissimilar starting points:
Just like every time, motivation is the only variable.
So roll around on the grass if you think it might extinguish the blaze.
I will be watching, intrigued and regretting cautiously,
Comfort found in the heat
That somehow reaches me all the way up here.
I could somehow save you, but I am stuck in the clouds without escape.


PsyStep

It feels good! The beat is so dirty,
and the time is running out.
Slowly I drip honey down
onto the faces that glare up
into the Sun on this priceless day.
Jump, fools, for the tempo commands
its servants to gyrate,
sexual to a point of danger
and drunk on the fumes of excess.
Constancy mocks the space between
the words I say and what I mean

endure

butchered and bloody i stumble back to camp,
but everyone is sleeping, and everything is damp;
i'm sorry i must wake them, but my bodies broken skin
has made this necessary, so please god let me in.

the advances of medicine have yet to reach this place,
so pain is but a requiem exploding from my face.
i'd like to sink away into a stupor or be numb,
but with these lacerations, the silence will not come.

they quickly rinse out my wounds and extract all the shards
of glass and bone, now i'm alone with no one left in charge;
somehow i have not left this place in consciousness or care,
into the shifting darkness falls my efforts to repair.

the sunrise sets into my soul responsive as cement,
this flesh is gone, my spine is cracked, my hopefulness is spent.
my encounter with violence seeps into my waking mind,
and now i can't remember why i mixed the dope with wine.

Romance's Folly In Lavender Scent


the beat contorts around my desire
and i push past the vibrations
into the open air

i must revel in the hopefulness
to take a simple step
away from then

so fortunate to breath clearly
the sweet smelling breeze
and follow you out

the night is so supple and young
and i am the memento
of a forgotten era

we give ourselves to the earth
by invoking these spirits
to dance around us

completion's sentimental collapse
seems a lifetime away
in the heavy now

swollen energy cushions my mind
for we couldn't have seen ahead
to when the moment expires

i am now real again
full complete
and alive

infinity gasps for breath inside
this coffin of intention
as we swirl around

until this sordid grasp is broken
i lie promised and kept
alone together

วัดเผา (Wạd p̄heā)

My chapel's fallen and I couldn't be happier.
It burned away so fast,
I could hardly imagine what it looked like
when you were destroyed inside.

So hot that I could barely sit in its light,
the flames spun in cylindrical euphoria;
the absolution that nothing could survive the roaring fire
gave me strength to not run in
and save you from totality.

But heat could never fill the scarred valleys within
my heart, so you persist
in a parallel existence,
so real in your illusion.

They've taken away that person in a blaze of glory
but they left a mess behind.

Hopeless to look away,
I saw the structure in all its awe
simply crumble in the massive blaze.

And now it smells like smoke
whenever your name is uttered;
it reminds me to reflect on this new utopia I've found
where sex and water are in shared company
and my mind is reborn in the moments
that I conduct the symphony of love
surrounding my demeanor.

No more heavy thrills till my back is healed,
next time it wont leave me bent;
you stomped my sand into dust without concern
but you could have never known:
I can breath in this air,
and fight in such heat,
follow swiftly the tail that beckons me,
dance atop reality,
and pounce on the hearts of the concerned.

porous

like water  to wine baby
miraculous and tired
body aching and joints screaming
new reflections gleam


now the fungus can feel uplifted

The mechanisms have become integrated so deeply
that I can't tell which one's me.
Ready, though, I sit in hopes to pounce
upon an empty space that my heart can fill
with explosive gasses and enlightened mushrooms,
until the air is saturated and I'm hopeful to see.

mushrooms, lsd, mdma, dmt, cannabis, and light... pure as fuck

Succubus and Moved Away

most days i don't think of her
but violence greets the rest
precarious and hopeless fool
returning from her breast

i ate the cost of avarice
and crossed to other side
it would have been the end for us
in silence i had died.

so long before geometry
could inject soul with bleach
your giant hands were reaching in
to slowly strangle me

my lioness my friendships eye
abandoned like the sound
of screaming into the abyss
oh who could you be now

Mixed Thoughts About The Future

Two brains and one disease
I've left you standing false at ease
My ruins take this town
In rising brutal from the ground
Legs in step to push ahead
And carry on this life instead
I will not hold back my hands
Until I taste the promised sand

'It's ok' I'll say
In hopes to pray
And dance and sing
'My life will bring
Onto my heart with open eyes
A peace of mind in compromise'

Waiting

We wait to give and to receive,
but time is sparse for us to see.
I wait for love to strike a tone
with delusions that I'm alone,
the moments pass without a chance
to feel the wind, become the dance.
Without a thought that I could make:
the things we bring are what we take.

Segreti

Cradled spawn of impulse held
Upon the chest that is compelled
To spiral down and climb back to
A circumstance that's been run through.

A heart is light in palms of fire
When they reach out to taste expired
Sustinance that fuels these ghosts,
I wonder what their grasp may host.
we are but one;
symbiotic and pooling masses
clustered around the light of illusion

climbing this steep canyon wall
momentarily glancing down into the earth's bossom
i am reminded of the contents of my formation, of my legacy

trust's fleeting grasp
displays the presumption of perception
as a weapon of our mind's fight against the real

tiempo del sol

explosively resumptive, my hollow sentiments stumble on one fucked up leg around this circus camp fire.

Mission Statement

For the complexities, the perfections, the imperfections... this is all so real. This reality does not dictate itself, it merely is the byproduct of its own innate existence. There is no script, only the relativity of consequence. All that may happen lies in the shifting momentum of all that is happening, and our perceptions of the circumstance that we abide within. Rippling waves of reaction are the only 'poetry' that holds any coincidence, our frontal lobes be damned.

Into the Stable

I am blessed to share this love
Now that it can survive sans insanity.
I'm still just as crazy,
But my perspective has grown
Far past the reaches of singular self.
I can now survive
Whether that love reaches fruition
Or fades off into the obscurities
Of life on this Earth.
In fact, I will prosper it seems,
As my mind keeps expanding;
Fortune and coincidence
Seem to favor my choices.

Fate May Be Watching Us Right Now

You are so new, but I felt like I've known you for many seasons. Reflection of the sky, your eyes blanket my land with freedom and cloudless beauty. Like a magnet is in my chest, I am pulled towards your smile. You make me feel like a primal God when I gaze upon you, as your energy envelopes me like the unbroken grasp of a glacier on the mountainside. I would hold you to my chest, lovely being, so the beating of my heart could sing you the only song that captures this awe.

I have never before encountered such a creature, do my eyes believe their sight?

Absence's Gift

Slow like honey,
my will consumes the thought.
Oh, what could I say?
Every moment feels the same,
can't extinguish the flame,
when your honey drips away
into a puddle of yesterday.

it is wonderful when my heart can speak clearly,
so far away from the machinations of the flesh.
i feel lucky bathing in such expression,
i am reborn into a body stronger than it knows.
i am in love and out of faith
in anything but my self!
I will arise beautiful in the morning,
maybe even more so than at night.

i will protect and cherish
i can worship the deities that feel like home
i could never tell if this was all a smiling dream

onmitexturalism

traction's portrait of contention is grey
at least we shared this sunny day
i relish timing of conspired fate
forces i can't contemplate

stasis

my choices brings fortune wrapped in fire,
outside of my will, my failures expire.
call it luck, call it fate, follows me, frustrates,
as my young tethered heart tries just to concentrate
on the things i burned off, on the time that i've lost,
for my current disease takes whatever it wants.

Prince of Monterey

Vile like a look into a tarnished mirror
He sips on goats blood and laughs
At the scrambling mortals
Crushed beneath his throne.
Like a statue made of my bones,
He's been dead so long.
Misshapen diamond eyes
That cut open my hands,
And a mind of narcissistic sarcasm
Whose very existence
Makes me shudder and frown.
With this much stench around his lips,
I cannot help but sigh in relief
That he remains seated
In his chair of crushed smiles,
So far away from where I'm going.

Prince of Monterey,
Withered temple to solipsism,
What path will you
Trample and ruin next?

L

Touch my inner child
And walk into my home
Time freezes
Encased in ice
No greater completion
Could climb the stairs
'It's all right'
Explodes in space
And lights the day
That drank my burdens
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recognize the sounds of fear
my little equestrian tragedy,
for my mended heart
is still in flight.
It leaps towards you even
as it resists your grasp,
elusive and tormented
desire to gravitate
that I once had damned.
One cannot ever avoid
an angry omnipotence,
so I stand in its warpath
with arms extended
and feet planted firmly,
dreaming and awake
with a grin plastered on
my hopeful face.

K

This piece is really fucking heavy, and I don't suggest assuming its context.
~~~

Shatter note in a bottle circumstance
Only the strength left to dance
Portion's present squalored frame
As bleeding mind is set aflame
Palm to sand and face to sky
This is what its like to die
Arm's heart, foolish tale
No love beneath my fingernails

Now to burn this tail away
Before it begins to decay

Fortune's blessed me to the floor
Don't know what I'm fighting for
One day I'll be in one piece again
This all ends, I can't pretend]
to fly above the chaos lights
At hopeless height, avoid the bite
You shouldn't love me, cursed to try
Nowhere left for this to hide
So go away I beg and plea
Get out of here so I wont see
Reflections of my lovely soul
Before today, I felt so whole
No form to take, no sea to swim
As blood entangles severed limbs.

J

These poems are directed towards people that are (hopefully) no longer involved in my life's journey. They left me bitter and hopeless, so fuck'em.










~~~
Guest in my own home
Even when I'm alone.
Your smile's eyes are trickery
But you can't seem to set me free.
I've got a heart that's filled with lead
Your blinded games fuck with my head.
Again I sleep by side denied
No silent dreams in which to hide.
Confusion blooms sweet;
Attraction's retreat.
Neither deserved nor attained,
As I spawn my own pain.
~~~
A brother's blood upon my hands,
You have trespassed on stolen land,
With ocean's eyes, your spite is shown
As friendship's lie strands me alone.
Your shit stained palms block out the Sun,
The darkness leaves nowhere to run.
Cracked hands are wrapped around my neck,
No room in Hell for self-respect.
~~~
'Fuck you all' cushions my fall
When blame is mixed with alcohol,
I've seen past veils into the fire,
Enough to see the wills of liars.
My lonely life is built from shit
And curdled blood and stagnant spit;
No care should fall upon their heads
For in my world, they will be dead.

post glow

moment's left for things to say,
it's fucking great it went this way.
it could have stung and left me cold,
instead i've found new light to hold.
i thank my fate for smiling change
when i reflect on yesterday.

i'll move right on now that it's done,
and keep my face lit by the sun.
no toxic air will stain my lungs,
no smoldered ashes curse my tongue.
i'm left with love inside my chest,
as everything was for the best.

you gave me things i'd never guess;
you're beautiful and nothing less.
i am golden like a child
because i had to lose your smile;
in times of softly spoken dreams
i smell the scent, i feel the steam.

Growl

Full circle, the path has led me back
to the person i was leading up the wolf pack,
I look in the mirror to see canine face
No concept of guilt; no more sad, fucked up place.
Only needing to hunt, with the scent on the air
For my timing is right to drag you to my lair.

Breakthrough in The Cave - This Weekend

Being myself in the arms and strong hands of beauty.

Strings, webs of joy stranded and solopsitic.

Holding the face of God in my palms and watching my heart scream in a barbaric orgasm.

The dance that flowed from the highest mountain and crashed into my reality with a violent beauty. my body as words on a page, singing my utmost honor to be chosen for enlightenment.

The eyes that welcomed my validation and reflected my courageous creativity.

The healing between brothers.

Feeling the right-ness of my existence.

Giving and taking the lessons provided by experience.

My face contorting to please my lovers.

Joy incarnate, in a single night.

Amaterasu

Worshiping in nature, my brain searches for Gods it cannot find
I see the deity in people, the devil as well
And when I give my sacrifice it is always to this unseen creator
Inside my cranium lies the source, my mind
Creates its own heaven, sends me to hell
Undeceived by the external directly, there are no traitors

My love is no creature with its own sanity
Although I manifest the future's past, the current surrounds my body
If I am really here, I must accept my perception's restraints
I have been given the gift of appreciation's plea
With gorgeous eyes that watch my birth from the rotting
I've restrained my ability to need understanding, broken my hate

Past Tense of the Future

I would write a letter as a song
Just to tell about the things that take so long
Like the time that i got better,
Or this old fucking letter
That tells this wrong.

Conscious of my skin embraced alone
As the moments slip away into the moon,
I've been told my eyes are sweet
By people I can't see,
And all of this revolves around my clarity.

My heart reflects the stance that I've been in,
And the questions in my head seemed innocent.
But here I am with this paper
Describing all my pain for
No one but the voices in my mind.

Truth is not out
There you'll find me
Holding up my
Hands to the sky,
Tears unformed
Cause I weathered this storm.

Arm Poetry for a New Situation

*This was something I wrote on my arm one night recently. Each ~ mark denotes a different section of skin ie my forearm, hand, etc.


The memory will haunt me
like the sunrise haunts the wicked.
Set again, my sun.
~
One moment and a galaxy crumbles.
One kiss that spawned a star;
Formed this silent shimmering.
After this night the day
Might never shine as brightly.
~
'I love you' floats away on the wind,
As forgotten as the cradle of my domain,
Drenched in ashes and cyanide.
~
Here I am
Broken but thankful.
Beautiful and shiny
Pile of porcelain shards.

Dropped

hold me up on your back, so I can spy the moon
hopelessly intact, it will be here soon.
can't hold on, can't support all the time
fallen down, sacrificing the divine

why did you support this weight?
I would not have done the same.
that is how we relate,
broken knees, swollen hate.

I cannot restrain my mind, its the ends to the means
this funeral pyre will impale my disease.

why should you support this weight?
I would not have done the same.
our weakness and our minds relate,
hefty soul, broken fate.

cryptic

Shifty eyed and standardized we walk so often alone,
Closed off roads and broken homes, no reason to atone.
When looking at the daily flow, we know that no one leaves
Unless their death strands them accessing what they can't retrieve.
Society is in our air and flowing through the stream
Of consciousness and sanity, so wake up from your dream.

trend

Recover and burn,
search and destroy,
follow and fall,
want and deny.

Soliloquy of rampant occurences
to a deaf audience,
no chances turned away
with no opportunities found.
The same song was playing last night in repetition, I must have let it go on. No energy to move myself to change the noise into silence, no will to force it out. As time twisted the song into a cardboard mock-up of itself, it began to fade into a static, ambient texture of sleeplessness that blanketed me tightly. I remember the subtle hum of my computer as it insisted that I lie there paralyzed, its soft LED glow pushing me further down into my filthy blankets and flea-infested pillows. Delving deeper into this labyrinth of stagnant squalor, I forged ahead as the incessant vibrations of my neglected music continued without opposition.

C.S.P.

Progress held up stopper drip drop and drain
All the candy skull people bring candy skull pain
Returned lost and bartered, the song stays the same
Whether fighting as monkey, grasshopper, or crane

The balance checked papers on holy wood's grain
Found with withered whispers still waiting to gain
Momentum with moments too quick to attain
Leaving un-watered roots rolling sick with disdain

A lion, a bear, and a flock of tree's flame
Make up my insides and roam inside my brain
Twist harder then shake, struggled struggling vain
Almost over ready to cover this stain.

Six Legs Too Many

Nibbles at my temples
Leading down to my feet;
I am covered with the lessons
of trusting post-release.
The fleas are swarming up now
Their total numbers swell;
To release this insect energy
I will have to breed as well.

Scratch as the voice tells you,
and sit back as it grows;
Discover hidden sites
of poison and you'll know
You cant erase their bodies
(Joints dissolving inside-out)
Vacuum of space is welcoming;
Their army's losing now.

Oh the toil of being.
Even as I pretend to exist,
I can feel the greater energy
Calling out my actions in the sun's light.
Outside my perception
One billion occurrences blossom
In mere moments of what one might call time.
No validation in the ebb and flow lifestyle of this social wasteland,
And no witless witnesses could ever prove
That we are actually happening.
Grasp for that narrow ledge to halt our plummeting
If we like, but the achievable extent
Of salvation has eluded us irreversibly.

Los Ojos

Totality attained,
Refracting all but trust.
I hold it in my hand;
With words you strike a tone.

The sparkle leaves its quake,
Legend of The Look,
The answer's gone awry,
Retrospect is fate.

Reformation of Therapeutic Vibration

joy pools at my roots,
to overwhelm the city
we must grow higher
and spite the hungry beetles
that overwhelm the sky

no matter the cost
continue forward
up and over
climbing like the sun
with sturdy stalks

radioactive space surrounds
the cradle of our domain
as we push up the soil
with our mad intentions
and ability to see

no debts would remain
after the final harvest,
but we wait to see
what the earth needs
from us stolen companions

holding back the flood with twigs and newspaper

old enough to stretch out in
the plot of land i've been given
with life or not inside my shell
a legacy of times would tell
of my remorse and triumphs found
and of the concepts that resound
out of my spine, these songs of love
i wrote to conjure feelings of
the indescribable embrace
of fire's eyes on desert's face.

meow

Solemn and smiling,
Sleeping in the clouds,
With energy abundant
and tiny voice aloud.
Your path may be twisty
And hold pain to your chest
But the clouds here are parting
And its all been a test.

As The Ball Comes To Bounce

Unblocked, the silence begins to scream.
Is this a nightmare or a dream?
Poetry's faltered lack of speak,
Obtuse and impossible leak.
What useless words might find my tongue?
No chance to speak with broken lungs.

oh the horror

My brain is on ice, with the fire at bay
And the customers wait to consume my decay,
Eat me up, they will try, but one taste and they'll die
For my cranium space is laced moldy rye.

pictures of faces

I am strong enough to heal using only the tools I have made myself.
The air that surrounds me ran out of oxygen, so I've been holding my breath.
But once I step outside this glass-bottomed cage,
My lungs again fill themselves with the sweetest of winds.

The lock on the cage was never engaged,
All I had to do was walk right out.
Forgiveness is an illusion that I subscribe to,
I have forgiven myself to forgive the others.

Understanding disallowed, I am left to enjoy the blissful ignorance
And laugh silently as my mind fights to translate the past.
I am beautiful like a flowering cactus, just don't get too close
Or I'll hold you with my stabbing needles until you're forced into flight.

Irony rolls my eyes further back, seeing the patterns;
I've always seen the good things leave down the same road.
With a personality like this, how could I have a chance
To explain myself, free from judgement?

If life was fair I would be bored to tears,
And without a tragic heartache I would be stagnant and lazy;
I would never have found out what I want(ed),
No self-respect would have been possible for my twisted existence.

This glorious time away has painfully scraped off my tumor,
Given me such explosive access to healing and rest,
Reminded me of the extreme importance of romantic empathy,
And tested my vitality and virtue with an aftershock from a past life.

And still the love melts my smile away from time to time
As I drive around this town we might have taken over,
But I have been rejected before and have grown in spite,
I will still open my arms to the world to protest trust.

My mind has been opened up as though the
Jaws-of-life had freed it after the wreckage.
My heart is light in majority, and might even float away again,
And my well-worn canoe is still afloat, even if stranded at sea.

Goodbye I yell into the wind despite my voice being broken.
And even though I know only I can hear my cracked voice,
The universe has reflected even the dullest of sounds
Through the atmosphere and into foreign ears.

Shat

Die quasi-satin staining chains,
Fall off the brain's changing range
And hit the piece of peace's creasing plea,
The echo that shuddered the fluttering sea.

Sing to stars charging large,
Sky's blight may apply to rights:
Sandy romantic candy that lets the band see
And brandy strands the plans
Handed to hand and left to stand.

Truly full duty foolish pooling cool
Rules the prudes producing drool.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

I am ready to sit in the grass,
and hold your head in my hands;
I am ready to consume you
I can already see the smile
that you only show in my direction
When I notice you there.
I can feel your concern
pressing against my skin
from every possible direction.

Again, with the same swollen pace
I will trust your smile
Like I've trusted the rest.
Seeing you writhe before my open eye,
I will move from the past
And meet your returning limbs with my own.
Time wouldn't shelter us for too long,
It would seem to the cautious observer,
But we'll fight to prove them wrong.

The welcome mat that said 'Go Away'

Feet following their mission
To carry me back home,
I limp past the threshold
And am met by a love
That springs from the art
Of traveling through time.

One ticket to get in,
No tariffs to leave;
I contemplate the Earth
That dried in the baking Sun
And killed its own town,
Leaving space for the fire.

get out

I can't wait to understand the reason I have yet to translate any meaning besides 'it's not worth it to try'... get out.

Chiropractic

Snapped back into a stasis
Of sorts by the glowing wind
That surrounds the glorious
Forms of the Earth's intent.

The cringing spinal crack
Usurped by the lips' crease
As they form
A reminiscent smile.

Instrumental

I have been played like a cheap mandolin,
Strings cracked and worn.
Your slender fingers pluck and caress my neck,
As a crowd gathers to hear your manipulation
Of my gracious chords.

The bond of your inspiration
And my ability to sing the sounds in between
Leaves me stranded
When your song has ended,
Because there is so much I've left to say.

After you have expressed the pain,
the triumph, and the sonic desire to exist,
I am put back in my lonely case
To wait in hopeless patience until
You want to play me again.

I am merely a vintage mandolin
Purchased from the flea market;
Played until you go back to guitar.
I only hope that you take me out once in a while,
Or throw me in the fire to be reborn.

It would be a tragedy for such a useful tool
To sit unused for eternity;
There are far better players in this world,
People that could really appreciate my timbre.
Until my body is shattered, I will wait.
Excuses permit my persistence
Enamored I sit in resistance.
Fight to sit in the Sun
Until the cancer has won.
Such fortune should hold up my head
To the light, but I hear what she said.

There is too much to say

An infinite stream of meaningless steam
Escapes from my head as a word, as a dream.
To bottle up souls in this search for control,
I sacrifice time till I exit my hole.

Alone is a word with a tinge of absurd,
And it feels like the Sun must feel to distant worlds.
Broken up or held strong,
I'll be silent and wrong.

The cobble stone path meets your steps with a laugh,
And this old sandy shore waits without a Seraph;
I'll fight against time without reason or rhyme,
For futility springs from challenges divine.

Untitled

Words can hurt and silence stings,
I wonder what this motion brings;
My coal-black hands to coal-black lips,
There's cancer at my finger tips.

Abandoned hope meets silent glow
With impact I will never know.
Deep lungs pull the passion out,
Exhale to breath, I live in doubt.

Naked Ass

I am 23 years old and made completely of dynamite.
The paths I can walk stretch infinitly before my blinded eyes.
Choices are illusions, I could end up where my dreams promised me I would.

the way things are now

I didn't used to be like this. Before my heart was uncovered from its barriers, broken shell crashing to the floor, I was a very different human. Yes, I still was loud, brash, and attracted to the darker side of comedy... but my ability to utilize my innate charisma, to enliven those around me, to truly be able to open myself up to others with love; these traits had not yet been activated. When that confused (and cheating) woman walked out of my life, I was forced (by the extremity of my emotions) to either embrace the pain and sorrow or to truly love myself for what the world made me to be.

The moment I held my hand to my chest and uttered the words "I love you, Peter" my universe instantly shifted in a way I could have never imagined. The smile seemed to creep up from that same space where the hurt had pierced my chest. My eyes found a new light in that experience, but at that moment I was totally ignorant as to whether I had taken the path that would truly nurture me through the bullshit.

Throughout this time Bre'Aja had comforted me with perspectives that put lyrics to my song of sorrow, true lyrics about overcoming adversity and finding the truth of character that my fucked up break-up had freed in my ego. My sister comforted me profoundly as she related her stories of past heartbreak that made me connect with her on such a beautiful level. My father and mother both consoled me wonderfully, and I was a blank canvas for their words of wisdom to ripple through my soul. Others came in to my life to help, I was overwhelmed by how much people helped me when I thought that they could not.

Stephanie's departure had broken down my barriers to the point where my past lessons could socialize and amalgamate. With the introduction of the self-love that was only possible from this sudden and chaotic degradation of my self consciousness, I now found a sturdy path to walk upon. And then the universe began to violently validate my choice to hold myself as a beautiful and meaningful ontological being.

The desert. Loretta. Candyflip(ping). Steve. Michelle. Nano.
These were truly gifts from something outside of my perception. My dreams could not have constructed such amazing fortune, no acid trip could show me the forms that found me. I began to be told "I love you" from the people around me, from the world, from strangers. I began to love in a way that is so self-perpetuating. I wont even delve into these names or what they mean, each one deserves an entire lifetime of expression to come close to thanking them for what they gave me.

And now after my self-love has become scripture, a tattoo, I sit here in thanks and silence.

Epiphany and all, I love you. I love you. I love you.

Some songs I've written...

Myong

When we were young,
It felt so pure
And it seemed done,
But now I see in spite.
Will you just come
And know the right?

We are not judged by the
Endless questioning
That we find
In ourselves when
We are Free.


Free Kout

such tiny memories we shared
(hold me tight i think i'm getting scared)
do not forget the past we've run
for all the love we've had is done
it's done

approach the bench and learn my name
my eyes all aflame to feel your same
resiprocative and insane;
i'll pick you up so that you can
pick my brain

i walk alone
in crowd of tears
my truth be known
its all my fears

{[you cut me up, my truth be told]}


How Sorry Should We Find Ourselves?

I've had some revalations,
I've had my own frustrations,
And when we speak in my head
I make things right.
I try to convince myself
To damn these cold memories away,
They only make my fears flare up.
Makes my fear flare... up.

Faltered in my ways,
Time and pain to pay;
Thought that i would never say:
"I regret you".
Tricked my mind to trust,
But that is never good enough.
As we can clearly see,
Future wasn't meant to be.

But the truth remains
Of bonds and flames that
Can't be named;
And if I truly felt the same:
I'd forgive myself
Of this...
Still yet I see my flaws,
They're gnawing on
My grasping claws.
As arms extend to reach you all
I stumble towards the bliss.

{All this is a lie,
It is just a lie}

Why do I miss
You when you're cold?
Silence, the answer that
I know.
Unclear as lines drawn by head,
I think I'm better off dead.

It's Complicated

Context sensitive, this package is about to explode.
One thousand words dispersed from that gaping yawn,
Hasn't our very existence already proven them wrong?
Love lessons, losing, learning, light limping,
But the cadence is lost, overwhelmed by a silent chorus.

They sing of hopeful despair,
the futility of wanting.
So I sing back my song of freedom,
of righteousness, of raw principal;
my voice drowns out that empty space.

So many situations that I hope to never know,
So much knowledge that I strive to never avoid.
This balancing act becomes an intersection
Between my patient respect
And the gnawing at my chest.

The fluidity of joyful perception

I love you, I love you, I love you
The words cascade down my ego
And pool into an ocean of respite.
The feeling is mutual, my friends.

I want you, I need you, I have you
Several galaxies away, they would still
Hear this ode resounding from the
Mountain top where we made love.

And then, when the oceans have calmed,
And there are no waves to carry me
Back to shore, I survey my surroundings
To find myself stranded and alone.

Only the memories still cherish my heart,
And they cannot be held in my arms.
Now there is only water and air to
Cool my libido's march to destruction.

Stay afloat, I scream into the wind
Even though there are no hills to echoe my intent,
No mountains to refract my heart's call,
Only this vast ocean that absorbs my heat and light.

Now the sharks are closing in,
And I am ready to be enjoyed.
You should join their feast,
I just wish I could watch.

shifting tide

the path continues its momentum in this
blank space, shifting without resistance.

i am full of empty soda cans ready to
be recycled, valuable only to the poor.

the word love clouds my vision with its
ambiguity of context, but I feel saturated.

surrounded and enclosed by my confusion
of wanting, I become the calm pilot and wait.

i know that I am achieving my goal while finding
its disworth, I'm not just a drug dealer afterall.

the moon looks so tender tonight, its light
mocks my moth-like attraction to the pulse.

i am a rootbound sativa, and the
soil's nutrients are wearing thin.

Grizzly

I want to hold on to that great glowing globe
With my bear hands,
But I am told that the Sun
Is miles away.

I want to taste the poison of light
On my furry pelt.
But I am told that right now
I should enjoy this dark hibernation.

I want to curl up with a slender bodied doe
In my Goliath's grasp.
But I am told that she will be my meal,
And my wants will devour her entirely.

B-Rock the Sanity Patrol

Solemn totem, golem stolen.
Hold in the golden folded lotus roll;
Palm strong, Patience long
New true leiu, too soon.
Moon blue booms;
Loom in doom, empty room.
Smile a while stereophile,
Sieg heil dies stylin.

Fly with try to lie tight
Sight for light in night's right.
Lite Brite's bite, high flight to height.
Swollen bliss tits sit amidst
Piled up insomniac kids.
Quit quick and stick to tricks, dick.

Star Moon Smile Hug

Waves and water form the master canvas to your light's revere.
You walk upon the ground as your form floats high above.
When your smile glows, the ground is given respite from entropy.
Once more, twice more, infinity in this unexpected embrace.

Beautiful, open mind.
Stolen from the past.

Grizzly WindingRoad

I am four thousand degrees, only the precious metals could withstand.
I am the body of a leper, as I fall apart I stay as one.
I am my own destiny, shattered glass castle rebuilt.
I am fortunate and beyond recognition as the moon when it's new.

I am not a voice in the chorus, I stand apart.
I am not the rotted tree trunk, festered and gone.
I am not some hermit's twisted soul, walls up and over.
I am not only one being, there is a multitude inside.

Give me one ounce of hope and I'll never hold my breath again.
Show me two hands that are gold and then cover the Sun.
Tell me three words that spin webs in my heart.
Lead me four ways and I'll find my way out.

Now that it has shifted

I am a broken chain of daisies,
The slowly festering cancer growth,
For my wicked failure to breath
And take the high road to freedom.

Torture

the path has moved and so have I,
the consequences of a lie,
my earth is brown my sky is light,
as long as I'm alone at night.

I fill in blanks with my own words,
I am insane i'm sure you've heard,
The truth of the things I have been told,
have left my ego stranded cold.

So follow what your soul intends
I hope that your joy never ends;
although I see my own retract,
and feel the weight on liar's back.

I cannot change the whisper's slight
provocative and painful sight.
The point's been lost i've given in,
but now new life will soon begin:

a chapter fresh like bowls i smoke
a time to learn a time to choke,
I've got to learn what grains of salt
To attribute in times of fault.

I'll push myself out of the hands
that crush my heart into the sand,
my scorpion found me in spite
it was left in desert's night.

But what about this circumstance
and what about my need to dance,
will they too turn to glare and hiss
at my own tattered confidence?

I realize now that my self love
was meant to take me like a drug,
I learn so much in time elapsed,
and now i've learned this is the path.

Sonnet of Untold Fruition

Come, said the panty dragon, lets go get drunk
If we break into the camp we can share the bunks.
Get so high that the water feels dry
We can talk about the moon and not even know why.
Up to the roof, you say your mind aint right,
So I put you on my shoulders to enjoy the sight;
A million little fuckers out there in the space,
I promise little girlie that my weed aint laced.

~
We... are electric snails on a trampoline
Driving around dancing, trying to create a scene
You howl, I'll do it too
Tell me to crawl, I'll come to you
Super fantastic sounds,
If you rile me up, i'll pin you on the ground.
~

Much love sent here from above,
from the sky comes rain, from the wine comes buzz
Dance child like the love is new,
If you just reach out it will come to you.
The world is waiting out here in the cold,
to come right inside and make love to your soul.

Keep it Tight

Your tragic lips could pass for gold
I'd trade them for your purple soul
And she and I would become one
And fly to burn within the sun.
oh perfect dreams avoid my sight
unless you are there in the night
to reject signs and broadcast love
I hold you in a place above.

My arms could break in sockets weak
and shattered bones, and spine that creaks,
as long as I could have the chance
to hold you tight, embrace the dance.

But you are dead, just like the world
You're made of stars, beautiful girl.
So as I write my naïve love,
I will await the promise of
your soul to keep in liar's palm
but that is why I wrote this song.

Clothing

Dark dusty drawers
containing much more
than covering cloths
that I bought from the store.
I will strip off the skin,
And let all of this in.

Fortune

Wake up stolen princess,
You've been gone too long.
They are calling your name,
those raspy little pinpricks.

His children sit and wait for food
That your hands bring,
And grovel like dogs to
That man who hasn't touched
You in months.

Breath after hopeless breath
You feel the day
And you feel the empty pain.
You feel the ground shifting.

You remember wanting the stable and
Open soul of matriarchs before,
The mothers, the lovers;
But no women should endure
A sick and shrivelled heart.

So rise to this day
And hold your head
In your strong pale hands.
These thoughts will not fade
And your heart crumbles.
Years blend and fade
In front of your eyes
As you see the path
That ended here.

They call, they call!
Answer those howling kittens,
(Such spoiled little shits)
And repeat your end.

Or, the thoughts cry,
You could just walk
Straight out that door,
Turn from this broken home,
And find that part of
Yourself that has
Stayed in bed for the
Past ten years.

Total flight, it seems,
Became the only answer
When the bastard
Fucked that waitress.
Seventeen days passed
Before you put it all together
And found yourself
Already knowing.

So you hail the sunrise
And the chilled air
That will forever remind
You of that freedom
As you watch yourself
Pass their hateful stare
And walk out of that
Hopeless wooden cage.

No more tiny mouths of
Their grinding teeth
To tear at your flesh,
No more empty nights
Next to that empty man.

The end of this hurricane,
Of their wants
and the selfish
Cries for love
From the unloving.

So run, not for the distance
But for the feel of earth
Beneath your calloused feet.
You run until that prison
That sadists would call home
Sank graciously below the horizon.

Mother and lover,
Neither ever fit you right.
Until this moment,
When you took to flight.
No meals to prepare
Or claws to avoid,
Now beautiful princess,
You have returned to us.

I am taken from obscurity

What is that smell? Some kind of plastic burning, some decayed carcass in the Summer Sun, my own ego left out to weather the storm exposed and worn. Overwhelming aroma of golden piss staining all your clothes. My sex is with the broken flesh, the empty field, the solemn guard left sleeping at the gate.

Folded away like a perfect white paper, filed away in the circuits of your ignorance, I sit and shine in no one's direction. I will one day be a butterfly, I will move past this chrysalis and flutter around the beautiful and unreachable crest of your face. Love is a game that I lost long ago, so lets just call it a tie.

Oh low, sparkle and falter on your sturdy earthen pedestal as my judgment makes reality shiver in the cold. I will never know a thing my dear, but I feel it all. The love shelters me as I vomit in reverse.