Pick Your Poison

Instrumental

I have been played like a cheap mandolin,
Strings cracked and worn.
Your slender fingers pluck and caress my neck,
As a crowd gathers to hear your manipulation
Of my gracious chords.

The bond of your inspiration
And my ability to sing the sounds in between
Leaves me stranded
When your song has ended,
Because there is so much I've left to say.

After you have expressed the pain,
the triumph, and the sonic desire to exist,
I am put back in my lonely case
To wait in hopeless patience until
You want to play me again.

I am merely a vintage mandolin
Purchased from the flea market;
Played until you go back to guitar.
I only hope that you take me out once in a while,
Or throw me in the fire to be reborn.

It would be a tragedy for such a useful tool
To sit unused for eternity;
There are far better players in this world,
People that could really appreciate my timbre.
Until my body is shattered, I will wait.
Excuses permit my persistence
Enamored I sit in resistance.
Fight to sit in the Sun
Until the cancer has won.
Such fortune should hold up my head
To the light, but I hear what she said.

There is too much to say

An infinite stream of meaningless steam
Escapes from my head as a word, as a dream.
To bottle up souls in this search for control,
I sacrifice time till I exit my hole.

Alone is a word with a tinge of absurd,
And it feels like the Sun must feel to distant worlds.
Broken up or held strong,
I'll be silent and wrong.

The cobble stone path meets your steps with a laugh,
And this old sandy shore waits without a Seraph;
I'll fight against time without reason or rhyme,
For futility springs from challenges divine.

Untitled

Words can hurt and silence stings,
I wonder what this motion brings;
My coal-black hands to coal-black lips,
There's cancer at my finger tips.

Abandoned hope meets silent glow
With impact I will never know.
Deep lungs pull the passion out,
Exhale to breath, I live in doubt.

Naked Ass

I am 23 years old and made completely of dynamite.
The paths I can walk stretch infinitly before my blinded eyes.
Choices are illusions, I could end up where my dreams promised me I would.

the way things are now

I didn't used to be like this. Before my heart was uncovered from its barriers, broken shell crashing to the floor, I was a very different human. Yes, I still was loud, brash, and attracted to the darker side of comedy... but my ability to utilize my innate charisma, to enliven those around me, to truly be able to open myself up to others with love; these traits had not yet been activated. When that confused (and cheating) woman walked out of my life, I was forced (by the extremity of my emotions) to either embrace the pain and sorrow or to truly love myself for what the world made me to be.

The moment I held my hand to my chest and uttered the words "I love you, Peter" my universe instantly shifted in a way I could have never imagined. The smile seemed to creep up from that same space where the hurt had pierced my chest. My eyes found a new light in that experience, but at that moment I was totally ignorant as to whether I had taken the path that would truly nurture me through the bullshit.

Throughout this time Bre'Aja had comforted me with perspectives that put lyrics to my song of sorrow, true lyrics about overcoming adversity and finding the truth of character that my fucked up break-up had freed in my ego. My sister comforted me profoundly as she related her stories of past heartbreak that made me connect with her on such a beautiful level. My father and mother both consoled me wonderfully, and I was a blank canvas for their words of wisdom to ripple through my soul. Others came in to my life to help, I was overwhelmed by how much people helped me when I thought that they could not.

Stephanie's departure had broken down my barriers to the point where my past lessons could socialize and amalgamate. With the introduction of the self-love that was only possible from this sudden and chaotic degradation of my self consciousness, I now found a sturdy path to walk upon. And then the universe began to violently validate my choice to hold myself as a beautiful and meaningful ontological being.

The desert. Loretta. Candyflip(ping). Steve. Michelle. Nano.
These were truly gifts from something outside of my perception. My dreams could not have constructed such amazing fortune, no acid trip could show me the forms that found me. I began to be told "I love you" from the people around me, from the world, from strangers. I began to love in a way that is so self-perpetuating. I wont even delve into these names or what they mean, each one deserves an entire lifetime of expression to come close to thanking them for what they gave me.

And now after my self-love has become scripture, a tattoo, I sit here in thanks and silence.

Epiphany and all, I love you. I love you. I love you.

Some songs I've written...

Myong

When we were young,
It felt so pure
And it seemed done,
But now I see in spite.
Will you just come
And know the right?

We are not judged by the
Endless questioning
That we find
In ourselves when
We are Free.


Free Kout

such tiny memories we shared
(hold me tight i think i'm getting scared)
do not forget the past we've run
for all the love we've had is done
it's done

approach the bench and learn my name
my eyes all aflame to feel your same
resiprocative and insane;
i'll pick you up so that you can
pick my brain

i walk alone
in crowd of tears
my truth be known
its all my fears

{[you cut me up, my truth be told]}


How Sorry Should We Find Ourselves?

I've had some revalations,
I've had my own frustrations,
And when we speak in my head
I make things right.
I try to convince myself
To damn these cold memories away,
They only make my fears flare up.
Makes my fear flare... up.

Faltered in my ways,
Time and pain to pay;
Thought that i would never say:
"I regret you".
Tricked my mind to trust,
But that is never good enough.
As we can clearly see,
Future wasn't meant to be.

But the truth remains
Of bonds and flames that
Can't be named;
And if I truly felt the same:
I'd forgive myself
Of this...
Still yet I see my flaws,
They're gnawing on
My grasping claws.
As arms extend to reach you all
I stumble towards the bliss.

{All this is a lie,
It is just a lie}

Why do I miss
You when you're cold?
Silence, the answer that
I know.
Unclear as lines drawn by head,
I think I'm better off dead.

It's Complicated

Context sensitive, this package is about to explode.
One thousand words dispersed from that gaping yawn,
Hasn't our very existence already proven them wrong?
Love lessons, losing, learning, light limping,
But the cadence is lost, overwhelmed by a silent chorus.

They sing of hopeful despair,
the futility of wanting.
So I sing back my song of freedom,
of righteousness, of raw principal;
my voice drowns out that empty space.

So many situations that I hope to never know,
So much knowledge that I strive to never avoid.
This balancing act becomes an intersection
Between my patient respect
And the gnawing at my chest.

The fluidity of joyful perception

I love you, I love you, I love you
The words cascade down my ego
And pool into an ocean of respite.
The feeling is mutual, my friends.

I want you, I need you, I have you
Several galaxies away, they would still
Hear this ode resounding from the
Mountain top where we made love.

And then, when the oceans have calmed,
And there are no waves to carry me
Back to shore, I survey my surroundings
To find myself stranded and alone.

Only the memories still cherish my heart,
And they cannot be held in my arms.
Now there is only water and air to
Cool my libido's march to destruction.

Stay afloat, I scream into the wind
Even though there are no hills to echoe my intent,
No mountains to refract my heart's call,
Only this vast ocean that absorbs my heat and light.

Now the sharks are closing in,
And I am ready to be enjoyed.
You should join their feast,
I just wish I could watch.

shifting tide

the path continues its momentum in this
blank space, shifting without resistance.

i am full of empty soda cans ready to
be recycled, valuable only to the poor.

the word love clouds my vision with its
ambiguity of context, but I feel saturated.

surrounded and enclosed by my confusion
of wanting, I become the calm pilot and wait.

i know that I am achieving my goal while finding
its disworth, I'm not just a drug dealer afterall.

the moon looks so tender tonight, its light
mocks my moth-like attraction to the pulse.

i am a rootbound sativa, and the
soil's nutrients are wearing thin.

Grizzly

I want to hold on to that great glowing globe
With my bear hands,
But I am told that the Sun
Is miles away.

I want to taste the poison of light
On my furry pelt.
But I am told that right now
I should enjoy this dark hibernation.

I want to curl up with a slender bodied doe
In my Goliath's grasp.
But I am told that she will be my meal,
And my wants will devour her entirely.

B-Rock the Sanity Patrol

Solemn totem, golem stolen.
Hold in the golden folded lotus roll;
Palm strong, Patience long
New true leiu, too soon.
Moon blue booms;
Loom in doom, empty room.
Smile a while stereophile,
Sieg heil dies stylin.

Fly with try to lie tight
Sight for light in night's right.
Lite Brite's bite, high flight to height.
Swollen bliss tits sit amidst
Piled up insomniac kids.
Quit quick and stick to tricks, dick.

Star Moon Smile Hug

Waves and water form the master canvas to your light's revere.
You walk upon the ground as your form floats high above.
When your smile glows, the ground is given respite from entropy.
Once more, twice more, infinity in this unexpected embrace.

Beautiful, open mind.
Stolen from the past.