Pick Your Poison

Bound in Gossamer

A Prayer

House cleansed, 
protection shrouded, 
I raise my eyes to the stars.
I pray to you spirits, 
please cradle my hopes 
and grant me the will to endure. 
I've been running too long, 
hiding away from what hurts me. 
It is time to move on; 
to put in the righteous work 
towards healing
so I can continue to live. 
Too many needless sacrifices 
bathed in beige sorrow; 
now is the crossroads that 
I am to traverse. 
No more hiding. 
No more tragedy 
without reason. 
Time to hold my power within 
so that it might grow 
enough to spread, share, and prosper. 
Forgiveness will come in time.

It begins now.

Shadows in a Bottle

whispered faces morphing out of focus;
there are one too many expressions shifting over the contours,
far too many people inside until i lose my sight altogether...

i am in the festival space,
running in circles,
furry pants still shield my legs.
there are stages all around this place,
amphitheaters filled with hippie folk.
for some untold reason there's an air
of discontent swelling dangerously
in the anxious crowds.
some odd mixture of feeling at home
and total isolation creeps up my spine;
i am reminded of being lost in the desert,
scared and lonely,
nothing to do but wait for the drugs
to leave me to my shaken peace.

then it's her:
everyone i've loved tightly crammed
into one passing sojourner.
it glances at me without concern
and passes by briskly.
i run up to inflict a greeting,
but by the time i approach
it is only just a stranger
that looks startled at my ferocity.
but... i saw you.
i saw you all,
squirming through one face,
maybe fighting to get out.

and then suddenly i'm awake again,
eyes wide,
deliciously grateful that it was just a dream.
my heart is pounding
and i tell myself to breath.

emptied bladder leads me back under the covers,
and i'm praying not to return.

I've seen you again...

...in my nightmares. It wasn't for long, you didn't have much to say. You just passed right by; I suppose the worst part is that it wasn't you. It was in my head after all, it was my own construction of these fears, expectations, and memories. But just that split-second glance we shared within the realm of my subconscious was more than enough to spin me into rubble.
I wish it didn't matter. I want to be free from these feelings of lack, need, remorse, and spite. I want to truly actualize the knowledge that its over and done, that it was wrong and it is time to move forward. To actually forgive and then re-utilize the resources that I'm wasting worrying about this.
It is insane to recollect how often and intensely I wanted to leave, wanted out, tried to move on only to get sucked right back into your vortex of instability. It was so clear then that we were wrong, that there was no more moisture left in our soil. But still, through all of it, you persevered. You didn't give up, you kept the vicious cycle going for far too long. I was too incapacitated to escape the pull of your gravity.
Now that I've attained my freedom and you aren't asking me to come back, why the fuck do I still feel tortured? My only guess is that I haven't yet found my own stability or rhythm; I haven't yet healed and put good graces back into the momentum of my future success. Either way, this is my struggle for now.
I hope my brain no long shows me your face, but if it does... well, I guess it's just more inspiration to work harder, endure this maelstrom, and eventually work towards righteousness. I resent you and miss you still, and these are clear signs that I have a lengthy road to travel ahead.


feathers call to me in the night.
brittle wings of fury's flight,
cackling lows and screeching height,
glow of moon reflection's spite.

the devil breaths fire in my dreams.


Burnt. Out... 

Contortion. Dillusion... 

Dopamine, I need you! Come back little smile, for i'm without a clue. 

There are two sides to each vibration; attraction and repulsion. 
How am I going to ride the line?