The shouting stopped inside my skull;
Maybe silence is just a one-way street.
No stage lights, yet we still perform and posture
For the lonely crowd that cant clean themselves up.
If it can get better, oh dear god it can get worse.
These class broken shrapnel drunks
Are so tied up with cold lamentations
That my tireless gaze cannot dissect their hopes.
How else could a true amateur learn to sing?
This amplified rectification is a stillbirth before us.
commitment
you want from me
it picks at my scabs
im just one half of a man
who got pretty good at hiding
the scars and infected boils that
scream across my flesh all night long
i have less to give
than i have to want
but i sure as hell dont
have the time to be wasting
here explaining why i am this way
sometimes theres no reasoning involved
Invitation
Eat my heart out with a spoon.
Speak my words with no voice.
Name the fantasies after my defeat
and drain their meaning away.
Speak my words with no voice.
Name the fantasies after my defeat
and drain their meaning away.
aminals
tinker toy hearts beat in lego block bodies,
our etch-a-sketch thoughts float high over our heads.
all the water is whiskey, and our mouths are on fire;
when we go hide underneath the sheets on my bed.
it was warm in our fortress of cotton and fleece,
while the butterfly stomachs spoke pony-tail words.
playing house in the depths of this mansion of leaves,
sharing half-sticks of gum, telling secrets we've heard.
our etch-a-sketch thoughts float high over our heads.
all the water is whiskey, and our mouths are on fire;
when we go hide underneath the sheets on my bed.
it was warm in our fortress of cotton and fleece,
while the butterfly stomachs spoke pony-tail words.
playing house in the depths of this mansion of leaves,
sharing half-sticks of gum, telling secrets we've heard.
Silent but Deadly
your gaze has become a symbol by the skill of my hands
it sits and waits vertically
watching the traffic
those haunting memories have dropped out of the third dimension
but at least i get to see you once and a while
although you can no longer respond
Uh Oh
This could get a bit hairy, I thought. I can see the sallow rings on your eyes.
You see them too... Now is when things start getting damaged, and I am left to deposit my security into something greater than the will to remain. This leaves our vision quest unquestionable, and our answers are stranded standing in the cold. No hoping heart bleeds dopamine in worthy concentrations....
I am but a supplement for the same.
You see them too... Now is when things start getting damaged, and I am left to deposit my security into something greater than the will to remain. This leaves our vision quest unquestionable, and our answers are stranded standing in the cold. No hoping heart bleeds dopamine in worthy concentrations....
I am but a supplement for the same.
Seeing You
I miss the taste of spoiled milk and rotten fish,
an existential stew of wounds healing awkwardly.
so what really happened? I'll never know.
Three steps in to it, then taking two steps back,
my perspective becomes as narrow as my expectations.
my stomach is churning without a tumor to reject.
When I look for something in the moment
and its definitely not there,
I feel at home
And the thoughts haven't changed at all, dear,
but perhaps they land farther apart.
They sit inside my chest as heavy as my eyes when I saw you approach.
As though my blood-stained smile had been a photograph
you crumpled up and threw in the recycling bin,
I have felt so biodegradable, but like plastic I retain my melted shape.
I was watched and yet invisible
broken but still intact
unwanted and desireless
conscious but so knocked out
drowning in the dryness of the land
with one hand to God and the other holding my pitchfork strong
an existential stew of wounds healing awkwardly.
so what really happened? I'll never know.
Three steps in to it, then taking two steps back,
my perspective becomes as narrow as my expectations.
my stomach is churning without a tumor to reject.
When I look for something in the moment
and its definitely not there,
I feel at home
And the thoughts haven't changed at all, dear,
but perhaps they land farther apart.
They sit inside my chest as heavy as my eyes when I saw you approach.
As though my blood-stained smile had been a photograph
you crumpled up and threw in the recycling bin,
I have felt so biodegradable, but like plastic I retain my melted shape.
I was watched and yet invisible
broken but still intact
unwanted and desireless
conscious but so knocked out
drowning in the dryness of the land
with one hand to God and the other holding my pitchfork strong
Unbelievable
Skin that doesn't stop,
excitement overwhelmed,
touch my broken claws
heal my shattered cells.
excitement overwhelmed,
touch my broken claws
heal my shattered cells.
Silver Mustang
Running away from the sounds of a scream,
while echoeing laughter, its not what it seems;
don't think of worship, I don't practice things.
I already forget how i used to...
Falling forward,
looking back.
Choices honor
honest tact.
Falling asleep to the sounds of your screams,
the echoeing laughter penetrates my dreams;
I'm too high to worship these rough rotten things,
I already forget... I already forget... (how I)
Perfect timing,
calloused veil.
My coarse palms
recognizably pale.
I already... I already...
while echoeing laughter, its not what it seems;
don't think of worship, I don't practice things.
I already forget how i used to...
Falling forward,
looking back.
Choices honor
honest tact.
Falling asleep to the sounds of your screams,
the echoeing laughter penetrates my dreams;
I'm too high to worship these rough rotten things,
I already forget... I already forget... (how I)
Perfect timing,
calloused veil.
My coarse palms
recognizably pale.
I already... I already...
Reaction Formation
Things got better,
but of course they shall return
to the sorry state
I just emerged from.
And I hope that things do get fucked up...
I NEED the pain to be inspired,
and I need the inspiration to be productive...
and that's what makes me happy.
If Steph hadn't left,
I'd still be scared all the time...
I'd have never met my family, met myself,
gone to Burning Man, or met Lo.
If Lo hadn't left,
there is no way that I'd be as inspired and on fire
as I find myself to currently be.
I wouldn't have started painting
or understood myself
nearly as well as I do comparatively.
I might never have made it back to this place
without the reckless abandonment of that woman.
But I wont be here for long, perhaps.
I am no less damagable by dishonor,
no more brilliant when it comes time to decide...
And always, the voices inside
will tell me I am wrong;
to what extent my mind might listen
shall be revealed in the execution.
but of course they shall return
to the sorry state
I just emerged from.
And I hope that things do get fucked up...
I NEED the pain to be inspired,
and I need the inspiration to be productive...
and that's what makes me happy.
If Steph hadn't left,
I'd still be scared all the time...
I'd have never met my family, met myself,
gone to Burning Man, or met Lo.
If Lo hadn't left,
there is no way that I'd be as inspired and on fire
as I find myself to currently be.
I wouldn't have started painting
or understood myself
nearly as well as I do comparatively.
I might never have made it back to this place
without the reckless abandonment of that woman.
But I wont be here for long, perhaps.
I am no less damagable by dishonor,
no more brilliant when it comes time to decide...
And always, the voices inside
will tell me I am wrong;
to what extent my mind might listen
shall be revealed in the execution.
"I've always missed you,"
she said as our eyes locked. No better metaphor could have been spoken by this creature; she got out of the car. Another miss, another glance.
But "always"?
I don't know what she meant, really. I can only imagine that the last nine months of my life have brought me here to hear it. There is something wicked in the air of her breath, perhaps, and the poison just has yet to kick in. She walked into her house. Maybe I just missed the point.
What twisted wills some have, to wind me up and spin me away. I suppose it is fair treatment for such hopeful eyes in these caves of sharp crystal. Impaled by betrayal; left to die at the shard. I drove away.
It is a matter of worth to these women, and my time's long run out. Another miss, another chance.
But "always"?
I don't know what she meant, really. I can only imagine that the last nine months of my life have brought me here to hear it. There is something wicked in the air of her breath, perhaps, and the poison just has yet to kick in. She walked into her house. Maybe I just missed the point.
What twisted wills some have, to wind me up and spin me away. I suppose it is fair treatment for such hopeful eyes in these caves of sharp crystal. Impaled by betrayal; left to die at the shard. I drove away.
It is a matter of worth to these women, and my time's long run out. Another miss, another chance.
Angels Anonymous - The Seduction
Unclasped and on top
as the power consumes
the momentum you've found
in this silk softened room
You are bold and on fire,
the blaze now contained
as a tool to explode,
and thrust forth from the pain
There's a light in your palm
so please unclench your grasp,
for as soon as it breathes:
epiphany unmasked
Luscious soft and sweet in grace
and stronger than the heat of light,
your lips are cream and spice
with skin of heaven's sight
This prey is amazed
and you are ready to pounce;
the time is standing still
no seconds left to count
Inside of the signs, heavy air
wraps your fingers around
the only anchor to reality
that tonight has found
Extacy contorts the formation
of this approach towards completion
and a glance in the mirror
reveals your many souls as one
Petal,
flower,
roots,
and earth,
I thank the planet for your birth
as the power consumes
the momentum you've found
in this silk softened room
You are bold and on fire,
the blaze now contained
as a tool to explode,
and thrust forth from the pain
There's a light in your palm
so please unclench your grasp,
for as soon as it breathes:
epiphany unmasked
Luscious soft and sweet in grace
and stronger than the heat of light,
your lips are cream and spice
with skin of heaven's sight
This prey is amazed
and you are ready to pounce;
the time is standing still
no seconds left to count
Inside of the signs, heavy air
wraps your fingers around
the only anchor to reality
that tonight has found
Extacy contorts the formation
of this approach towards completion
and a glance in the mirror
reveals your many souls as one
Petal,
flower,
roots,
and earth,
I thank the planet for your birth
Like Cattle
The laughter is slaughter.
I can only resist with half a heart
when the glow calls my name
from a salty distance.
I have so much to build
and take apart,
as all of this sorrow
has brought with it
a priveleged look into my self
and into the self made possible
by devotion and sacrifice.
Here, in love, and scorned;
I am a rose blossom explosion of a man.
Peace and goodwill, traveler,
though I cannot propose such a thing
without laughing a bit,
for the slaughter was silent.
I can only resist with half a heart
when the glow calls my name
from a salty distance.
I have so much to build
and take apart,
as all of this sorrow
has brought with it
a priveleged look into my self
and into the self made possible
by devotion and sacrifice.
Here, in love, and scorned;
I am a rose blossom explosion of a man.
Peace and goodwill, traveler,
though I cannot propose such a thing
without laughing a bit,
for the slaughter was silent.
Ice in the Winter ("menteur")
Cold calculations
apparent on face,
you spoke like its over,
I'm quickly replaced.
It's all been a ruse,
an illusion, a game.
Your words are like water,
your eyes are the same.
apparent on face,
you spoke like its over,
I'm quickly replaced.
It's all been a ruse,
an illusion, a game.
Your words are like water,
your eyes are the same.
the universe quivers in a puddle of its own urine, frightened
we shook ourselves apart, dear.
each of us twisted into splinters,
and the sound of our own screaming
took us by surprise.
falling apart at the seams,
and as gravity is consumed,
the sky pulls us out
into the last moments we shared.
i would cry with human eyes
and pull myself out of the shards
of tarnished mirrors and bloody shells,
mosaic of tetanus and infection,
but here it is without witness;
flesh combusted long before we implode.
the end is far more quiet
than it would have seemed from a distance.
each of us twisted into splinters,
and the sound of our own screaming
took us by surprise.
falling apart at the seams,
and as gravity is consumed,
the sky pulls us out
into the last moments we shared.
i would cry with human eyes
and pull myself out of the shards
of tarnished mirrors and bloody shells,
mosaic of tetanus and infection,
but here it is without witness;
flesh combusted long before we implode.
the end is far more quiet
than it would have seemed from a distance.
She is on Fire, and I am the Sky
Sometimes the pattern is so vast that our puny eyes have no chance to perceive.
I am on top of the Moon and beneath the Sun's angry smile,
And you are inside your mind's eye
Watching your flesh seared; you twist away to avoid the wind.
I can only look up or down from here, feeling free as I am constantly falling.
We are traveling the same speed in two different directions
From dissimilar starting points:
Just like every time, motivation is the only variable.
So roll around on the grass if you think it might extinguish the blaze.
I will be watching, intrigued and regretting cautiously,
Comfort found in the heat
That somehow reaches me all the way up here.
I could somehow save you, but I am stuck in the clouds without escape.
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