awkward sideways

ruined sheets moistly blanketing my pillows
while this absence opened up the same old wound.
i've heard of betrayal, like a song that's passed my way
a thousand times until its stuck inside my head

we've lost a friend, we've lost a foe

we've gained perspective and we know

that nothing quite turns out the way it should

she's got to go, she's broken so

there is no way to fight the flow

when time is cruel and misery is understood

Keeping the Mustache

Insight:

Amelioration

Masking;

Underneath, 

Growing

Larger,

Yearning.

Newman...

Love is a tapestry of textures and moments

My Chest Is Heavy And Its Tears That Are Left

I am a heartbroken one,

Sawed apart 

~

Remembering you is like sweet cancer,

Smiling likeness of all these mistakes I found

~

Lower me into the abyss,

Every blessing is a curse in disguise

~

Simplicity; illusions; bleeding out,

When will there be enough for either of us?

~

Fucking raw,

A beast to greet the beasts 

~

Happiness was a game before it ended,

Contentment our burden

Love my bitter tail to bite it off
Rip my fragile hide to wear me out

So many names flutter into the wind
As a sacrifice to personality and blind sight
Needles pointed and hooked
Into my tiny writhing heart

Fire and Ice and broken and healed
All taste like bleach under my retreat
With your back to the sea then a glance away

Sealed lips part to speak further
And my ears have started to bleed

Out There

You live and breath, your heart still beats;
with skin pulled taught, red blood doth heats
the flesh of angels pulled to Earth
in demon's time. Forgotten worth
bewilders me infinitely,
I'm lost at land, you're lost at sea.

No Names Left to Call (You)

Puts Me Together (when I read your words)

The poem screams that you have run
Away to find a patch of Sun.
My barrel's loaded like you said
But it is pointed at my head.

I'll ask of you no future task,
No loaded words, no plastic mask.
No force upon you to change fates;
I wont be here to frustrate.

It feels like nails inside my skin,
My eyes are sliced by rusted tin.
If fate conspired to give peace
You'd be right here right now with me.

So if you go without a word
Into this world, beautiful girl;
I'll take the path back through the sand,
Recant my place, empty my hand.

I'm sorry for myself and you
We got fucked up, we both got screwed.
My burden's gone, so feel relief
The game of Hearts continues free
Of my impact upon your head,
Unless I'm wrong, let it be said.

The shouting stopped inside my skull;
Maybe silence is just a one-way street.
No stage lights, yet we still perform and posture
For the lonely crowd that cant clean themselves up.

If it can get better, oh dear god it can get worse.

These class broken shrapnel drunks
Are so tied up with cold lamentations
That my tireless gaze cannot dissect their hopes.
How else could a true amateur learn to sing?

This amplified rectification is a stillbirth before us.

commitment

you want from me

it picks at my scabs

im just one half of a man

who got pretty good at hiding

the scars and infected boils that

scream across my flesh all night long 

i have less to give

than i have to want

but i sure as hell dont

have the time to be wasting

here explaining why i am this way

sometimes theres no reasoning involved

Invitation

Eat my heart out with a spoon.
Speak my words with no voice.
Name the fantasies after my defeat
and drain their meaning away.

aminals

tinker toy hearts beat in lego block bodies,
our etch-a-sketch thoughts float high over our heads.
all the water is whiskey, and our mouths are on fire;
when we go hide underneath the sheets on my bed.

it was warm in our fortress of cotton and fleece,
while the butterfly stomachs spoke pony-tail words.
playing house in the depths of this mansion of leaves,
sharing half-sticks of gum, telling secrets we've heard.

Silent but Deadly

your gaze has become a symbol by the skill of my hands

it sits and waits vertically

watching the traffic 

those haunting memories have dropped out of the third dimension

but at least i get to see you once and a while

although you can no longer respond

wave after wave of energy blow past my face with the force of a hammer,
and i realize that you are still running...

Uh Oh

This could get a bit hairy, I thought. I can see the sallow rings on your eyes.

You see them too... Now is when things start getting damaged, and I am left to deposit my security into something greater than the will to remain. This leaves our vision quest unquestionable, and our answers are stranded standing in the cold. No hoping heart bleeds dopamine in worthy concentrations.... 

I am but a supplement for the same.

Seeing You

I miss the taste of spoiled milk and rotten fish,
an existential stew of wounds healing awkwardly.
so what really happened? I'll never know.

Three steps in to it, then taking two steps back,
my perspective becomes as narrow as my expectations.
my stomach is churning without a tumor to reject.



When I look for something in the moment
and its definitely not there,
I feel at home



And the thoughts haven't changed at all, dear,
but perhaps they land farther apart.
They sit inside my chest as heavy as my eyes when I saw you approach.

As though my blood-stained smile had been a photograph
you crumpled up and threw in the recycling bin,
I have felt so biodegradable, but like plastic I retain my melted shape.

I was watched and yet invisible
broken but still intact
unwanted and desireless
conscious but so knocked out
drowning in the dryness of the land
with one hand to God and the other holding my pitchfork strong

Unbelievable

Skin that doesn't stop,
excitement overwhelmed,
touch my broken claws
heal my shattered cells.

Silver Mustang

Running away from the sounds of a scream,
while echoeing laughter, its not what it seems;
don't think of worship, I don't practice things.
I already forget how i used to...


Falling forward,
looking back.
Choices honor
honest tact.


Falling asleep to the sounds of your screams,
the echoeing laughter penetrates my dreams;
I'm too high to worship these rough rotten things,
I already forget... I already forget... (how I)



Perfect timing,
calloused veil.
My coarse palms
recognizably pale.

I already... I already...