plugged in for the first time
writhing, pushing higher, spreading into infinity
every inch enraptured
this is vastly deeper than i'd ever seek to swim
though i'm wrapped up in cosmic release

every emotion triggered in cacophony
i am pulsing light spreading warmth
deeper, higher, deeper,
into the vast expanse
of every in-between

tear soaked
blood drenched heart
flooding my soul with fire, love,
and unending entropy
as i cum amidst the stars

what sorcery might have inspired this voyage;
be it of my inner channel,
or an incantation of these interwoven souls
brought to the peak of exaltation
in this respite from what we'd have ever thought life could be



Falling star, like a kiss from the moon,
Left its lavender trails;
Now my winter is frozen with delight
I will do absolutely everything I can possibly do to maintain my creative momentum. I will make a thousand song full of promise that just barely fall short of adequacy; i will erase each one of these. I will draw and paint and sing and cry and fall apart, because this is the only life I have to do it in.

Into Spirals Filtered Space

Back into a world where the walls aren't supposed to be moving
and the colors wont swirl for sight,
I press my skin against the cool surface
of the mirror with delight.
Returned from space, from atmosphere,
from floating in the sky;
I could tell you of my journeys
if my thoughts could reach your eye.



...
There had been new magic in the journey within,
shared between the smiles and intensity.
Several humans met in congregation in the confines of my home;
we had soaked our wildness' in psychedelia,
and our empathies in more predictable chemical sanctuaries.

Ascension's chords were plucked freely in the essence of our light
as all reflections pass through rainbows towards the sweet of abyss of time and space.

A toast rang forth from lovers' lips
(whose intimacy is of the soul rather than the flesh)
to send forth with pleasured incantation
the conceptual mobility of the spirit
trickling through our every layer.


Deeper and stronger and ever more drenched in the colors light composes, 
there was a surreal sense of heat from the morning's sunshine, 
despite the hour preceding dawn 
and the moon deceived by clouds; 
eyelids sealed shut and tabla drums softly splintering the silence, 
feeling far less alone in these visions of space than one might predict in such isolation, 
being cradled by the dancing vibrance of patterned hallucinations. 


It had become so profoundly simple to sink deeper into the unknown crevasses of the mind,
to speak with the secrets held down under our functional comprehension
and to commune with the remnants of our celestial existence.




Here were visions drenched in beauty, 
steeped in the rawness of intrinsic lusciousness. 
Stretching limbs had found their comforted balance,
flexing spirit shared by the resounding voice of guidance.

And although the sun never rose,
night turned back into day
and these astral subjects fell back into their bodies.

Now and here back into the flow of days preceding such journeys,
we had all returned to sobriety
accompanied by fresh gratitudes.



Indigo

The fear was a catalyst, my endurance the test. 
Bubbling over with everything; all of it feelings to the bone. 
The blessings of a righteous path might accrue with great momentum, 
and I'm praying to my sweet higher goddess that the dosage was correct. 

I asked to receive the truth, 
and it hurts like its inside; 
there is no other way to get closer to earth, 
for my instincts lead me to hallowed ground. 

There are many lives I could have lived, 
perhaps there are many more still left to unravel. 
I feel it all. 
I feel it. 
When I'm with her, I never need to hide from the pain. 
There's no reason to run away and cower in madness when she is around, 
and I am healed in the light that spills from her every crevasse. 


Γκρεμό του γίνει

I've been waiting to soar all along
but have yet to take off.
Grounded still in this blanketing realm,
my wings shake off
the tiny beads of sweat
that pull the cold from the wind.
The river Styx bleeds on for miles
before my quivering claws.

I will leave here some day;
to take flight for the first time,
soaring restlessly away
into new potentials
of peril and delight.

Breathing in the Stygian vapors
of this dark flow,
I remain confused.
Without memory to cohere my sight
to circumstance,
what understanding might inform
the journey ahead?

Alone and consumed with the impulse to launch,
my beak gnashes nervously.
No self, no reason for such desires,
it feels as though I've been tensing for flight
for an open infinity.

I want to know
what I am.


I've been waiting to soar all along
but have yet to take off.


Bound in Gossamer


A Prayer

House cleansed, 
protection shrouded, 
I raise my eyes to the stars.
I pray to you spirits, 
please cradle my hopes 
and grant me the will to endure. 
I've been running too long, 
hiding away from what hurts me. 
It is time to move on; 
to put in the righteous work 
towards healing
so I can continue to live. 
Too many needless sacrifices 
bathed in beige sorrow; 
now is the crossroads that 
I am to traverse. 
No more hiding. 
No more tragedy 
without reason. 
Time to hold my power within 
so that it might grow 
enough to spread, share, and prosper. 
Forgiveness will come in time.

It begins now.

Shadows in a Bottle

whispered faces morphing out of focus;
there are one too many expressions shifting over the contours,
far too many people inside until i lose my sight altogether...

i am in the festival space,
running in circles,
furry pants still shield my legs.
there are stages all around this place,
amphitheaters filled with hippie folk.
for some untold reason there's an air
of discontent swelling dangerously
in the anxious crowds.
some odd mixture of feeling at home
and total isolation creeps up my spine;
i am reminded of being lost in the desert,
scared and lonely,
nothing to do but wait for the drugs
to leave me to my shaken peace.

then it's her:
everyone i've loved tightly crammed
into one passing sojourner.
it glances at me without concern
and passes by briskly.
i run up to inflict a greeting,
but by the time i approach
it is only just a stranger
that looks startled at my ferocity.
but... i saw you.
i saw you all,
squirming through one face,
maybe fighting to get out.

and then suddenly i'm awake again,
eyes wide,
deliciously grateful that it was just a dream.
my heart is pounding
and i tell myself to breath.

emptied bladder leads me back under the covers,
and i'm praying not to return.

I've seen you again...


...in my nightmares. It wasn't for long, you didn't have much to say. You just passed right by; I suppose the worst part is that it wasn't you. It was in my head after all, it was my own construction of these fears, expectations, and memories. But just that split-second glance we shared within the realm of my subconscious was more than enough to spin me into rubble.
I wish it didn't matter. I want to be free from these feelings of lack, need, remorse, and spite. I want to truly actualize the knowledge that its over and done, that it was wrong and it is time to move forward. To actually forgive and then re-utilize the resources that I'm wasting worrying about this.
It is insane to recollect how often and intensely I wanted to leave, wanted out, tried to move on only to get sucked right back into your vortex of instability. It was so clear then that we were wrong, that there was no more moisture left in our soil. But still, through all of it, you persevered. You didn't give up, you kept the vicious cycle going for far too long. I was too incapacitated to escape the pull of your gravity.
Now that I've attained my freedom and you aren't asking me to come back, why the fuck do I still feel tortured? My only guess is that I haven't yet found my own stability or rhythm; I haven't yet healed and put good graces back into the momentum of my future success. Either way, this is my struggle for now.
I hope my brain no long shows me your face, but if it does... well, I guess it's just more inspiration to work harder, endure this maelstrom, and eventually work towards righteousness. I resent you and miss you still, and these are clear signs that I have a lengthy road to travel ahead.



Peregrine

feathers call to me in the night.
brittle wings of fury's flight,
cackling lows and screeching height,
glow of moon reflection's spite.


the devil breaths fire in my dreams.







PM

Burnt. Out... 


Contortion. Dillusion... 


Dopamine, I need you! Come back little smile, for i'm without a clue. 







There are two sides to each vibration; attraction and repulsion. 
How am I going to ride the line? 

(Sustain)

Gratitude is Goddess
and I'm dying to return.

Magic is real
under her wisdom'd eye.

Healing righteous woman,
clears the fog away from Sun.